JBoss Group, could we be any worse at PR?

The answer is a resounding no, absolutely not. We work hard to be this bad. Most people don't understand what a full time job that is. It's a competitive landscape out there. You've got terrorism, crooked politicians, corporate greed, genocide, environmental pillage...it was a close contest, but apparently we did make it into the Pantheon of all Evil, along with George W. Bush and Microsoft. Take that, all you luke-warm, half-hearted weenies out there. You'll have to go to therapy now, because the rest of you are just "Not quite evil enough." Our only regret is that we are only infamous in the J2EE geek ghetto. We'll be talking to our new friends Dubya and Bill Gates about that.

Take insulting people, for example. Why is that hard work? I'll tell you why. It takes a politician's sensibility to remember all those names and situations. People want to feel special, singled out. You can tell them right away, that dazed and confused look on their face, the story they've rehearsed to themselves several times over, the fact that they're still pinching themselves to make sure it really happened. They just can't wait to spit it out. "So and so [member of or affiliated with JBoss Group] was rude to me."

I want to help them, I really do. I hate to be insensitive here, but how can I say it. We're rude to a lot of people, preferably those that could be useful in promoting our product or services. I have a hard time keeping track of what we do. It really pains me to watch people be disabused of their illusions, see them realize that there is no memory of the name, time, context or what was said. It ultimately dawns on them; there wasn't anything special or unique about their outrage, about what took place. Worse yet, there wasn't anything Personal...we just talk a lot of trash.

This is even more perverse, but you can get a reputation. People read about us and they're expecting to be insulted, they're just waiting for it to happen. It's the P.T. Barnum phenomenon. They want to pay their dollar and confirm the full horror of everything they've read. And then if we don't insult them, they can get extremely offended...like they weren't even worth telling off or something. You just can't win in this business.

How do you spin such unpromising material? Well, even we can't be all things to all people. Any vice taken to its logical extreme, excludes others, which leaves us with "JBoss Group: Obnoxious, but not ass-kissers."

Disclaimer: We have a real PR agency, Schwartz Communications. They are a pleasure to work with and very professional. They are often shocked by a lot of what we do. Anything good you read about us is due to them.

Note: To all would-be bilers. You're going to have to work harder to impress me. I'm a Southern girl, born and bred in the briar patch, a mother of twins, in which domestic bliss, I've seen horrors from which the intrepid would shrink and been biled on more times than you can count. Some of you will be bemoaning the good ole days of Sys-con spam, when you find yourselves on our annual JBoss Group Holiday card distribution, featuring a group glamour shot of all our ugly faces, and updates on our children.